wrong liz miller

If I ate meat, you guys, I would be SO FUCKING MAD about this cock-tease of an email.

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 11:18:00 -0500

So birthday cooler is being picked up by me and shipped tonight and should be to Dad in two days with 6-8 bacon wrapped fillets (melt in your mouth kind)! We went with those because they weigh the least and are the most expensive in a restaurant…so there! Bam!
Love, [REDACTED]

SO MAD.

The Lupus Foundation of America just asked me to participate in a lupus study

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 13:09:28 -0500

So I guess that means another Liz Miller has lupus? Sorry to hear that, other Liz Miller.

Good wisdom, but probably the wrong Liz Miller.

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 02:41:16 -0500

Good wisdom, but probably the wrong Liz Miller.

Does anyone know what to do when a guy named Gary sends the wrong Liz Miller a $50 Amazon gift card?

Tue, 25 Dec 2012 11:44:27 -0500

Because that just happened.

Some Liz Miller just used my email address to set up a brand new Gmail address.

Sat, 06 Oct 2012 11:36:00 -0400

Congratulations on creating your brand new Gmail address, blessedmomof4angels@gmail.com. Please keep this email for your records, as it contains an important verification code that you may need should you ever encounter problems or forget your password.
You can login to your account at http://mail.google.com/
Enjoy!
The Gmail Team

Boy I hope we don’t get wires crossed going forward.

I cannot emphasize enough how much this email was sent to the wrong Liz Miller.

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 13:31:51 -0400

SUBJECT: Will Your Church Pray on Nov. 11?
Dear Friends:
When we ask persecuted Christians in hostile and restricted nations how we can help and bless them, their first response is, “Pray for us!”
The International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church, on the second Sunday in November, is an important way of answering their request. It is a day for the worldwide Body of Christ to unite in prayer for members of the Body who suffer for their faith.
To assist your church in praying effectively on IDOP Sunday, The Voice of the Martyrs is offering the 2012 IDOP Church Resource Kit. The kit includes a 5-minute DVD that shares the story of Bounchan, who was imprisoned in Laos for almost 13 years because of his Christian faith. It also includes a variety of other resources to help your church “Remember those in bonds” (Heb. 13:3) on this important day.
CLICK HERE TO ORDER YOUR CHURCH RESOURCE KIT FOR ONLY $9
While IDOP is set aside as a special day of prayer for the persecuted, it is vital that we remember our persecuted family throughout the year. A VOM prayer banner is available to help remind your church family to pray for the persecuted throughout the year.
CLICK HERE TO ORDER THE 2012 PRAYER BANNER
Our brothers and sisters of the persecuted church ask that we pray for them. Will you and your church answer their request this November?
For those in bonds,
The Voice of the Martyrs
If you would like to view a list of resources on the persecuted church and online specials from VOM, please visit secure.persecution.com.

I got like three of these in one day. BLARGH.

Mon, 02 Jul 2012 18:17:40 -0400

I guess that Liz Miller who was getting married, y’know, got married.

Dear Liz,
Below is your schedule of events for your wedding day.
* Address to get ready: [REDACTED]
* [REDACTED HAIRSTYLISTS] will arrive at 11:15
* #3 hair appointments
* #2 makeup appointments
* Any additional people, if there is time, will be $ 85 payable in cash only
* Your cell phone # is [REDACTED]
* [REDACTED]’S cell # is [REDACTED] (texting is best- there are times she can not pick up but can text back)
* Please direct a minimum of 20% gratuity to each Designer and/or Artist on that day as agreed to in the contract.
* Parking is billed at the hotel/garage rate
***** Please have 2 regular/kitchen table type chairs and 1 stool in the room, and 2 surfaces cleaned off prior to the Arrival Time *****
To avoid us running short on time, please remember these important items from our contract:
* Hair requiring a Blow-dry shall be wet and product free just prior to receiving service.
* Hair requiring an Up-do or 1/2 up-1/2 down shall not be wet or washed within 24 hours of the above-mentioned day.
* The Bride shall instruct all persons requiring service of their specific hair requirements.
* Flat Iron styles, from “wet to set”, are an additional fee to the per person rate. The additional fee begins at 30 dollars and is determined by length, health, thickness and style.
* Flat Iron styling is considered 1 appointment; if additional styling is requested it shall be booked and charged as 2 appointments.
* The Bride shall instruct all persons receiving makeup application to prepare their facial skin by exfoliating and moisturizing.
Thank you for choosing Wedding Tresses for your wedding day preparations. Best wishes for a super sensational wedding day!!
Warm Regards,
[REDACTED]

Oh for fuck’s sake.

Mon, 07 May 2012 21:25:00 -0400

Oh for fuck’s sake.

Sounds like somebody had an exciting night.

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 20:14:06 -0500

Due to the recent events at the “Foxhole Lounge. We need to “REMIND” everyone of the VFW Post rules.
Verbal conflict and arguments will “NOT” be tolerated.
The Bartender will ask you to pay your tab and leave!
“A SECOND OCCURRENCE WILL RESULT IN YOU BEING “PERMANENTLY BARRED” FROM THE FOXHOLE LOUNGE.”
[REDACTED]
Commander
[REDACTED]
Booster President

Subject header: [REDACTED]'S BACHELORETTE PARTY-RESPONSE NEEDED

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 19:30:12 -0500

HI GIRLS!!
CAN’T BELIEVE [REDACTED]’S PARTY IS ONLY A MONTH AWAY!! SO EXCITED!!
Please email me and let me know if you will be attending, because I need to book reservations ASAP. Also, please tell me whether you have access to a car and want to drive. I was planning on renting a party bus ( I will pay for it), but it will only make sense to do this if people want this option. Lastly, please let me know a time that you would be able to leave Friday afternoon.
Thank you!!
FUN DETAILS TO FOLLOW…
XO

Anyone who doesn’t vote for the party bus is a fool.

A teacher is rightfully concerned about being murdered

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 14:30:31 -0400

As we discussed the pro’s and con’s of Honors. A few items of note if indeed there is discussion about doing away with honors courses across the board:
* In theory I can understand this. HOWEVER, from a counselor perspective with college admission, colleges want to see the strength of their academic program. Many schools specifically ask for the number of Honors and AP classes a student takes. I can’t tell you the negative feedback you would get from colleges in the admission numbers (especially Tier 1 schools), let alone backlash in the community. There would we a perception that we are downgrading our academics (when I know that in theory we would be trying to raise the standards for all, but this is not the reality). As I was being the devils advocate with you, unless we are getting rid of AP and IB, for students to be prepared for this rigor, they need the option of Honors in all core areas, INCLUDING World Languages.
* Continuing my role as devils advocate, if we have Honors Chemistry, Physics, English, Math, etc. we SHOULD have Honors World Languages and Honors Biology. It seems only fair.
* I shared with you my perspective that some students can be nudged to push themselves in subjects that they excel in. It doesn’t have to be Honors across the board. If someone is good at languages, then Honors/AP themselves this route, same for any other subject. I have some IB students that are in 3-term Algebra 1 and Honors English. GREAT!!!
Just wanted to add before I forget. See why I need to write things down J?
Take care,
[REDACTED]

Subtext: “Do you want to piss off the parents of honors students? I don’t want to piss off the parents of honors students. That’s like pissing off a rabid badger. An angry self-righteous pack of rabid badgers. Let’s not do that.”

There’s a Liz Miller who doesn’t know how to spell...

Wed, 11 May 2011 15:38:00 -0400

There’s a Liz Miller who doesn’t know how to spell her email address getting married in the New England area. This is the third or fourth bridal newsletter I’ve had to unsubscribe from. UGH.

I got someone else's homework by accident

Wed, 04 May 2011 13:47:00 -0400

Act 3 scene 4
- you know your own degress, your ranking
- macbeth will mingle with the pepole
- the first murduer calls macbeth over
- line 15, its better that there is bnquos blood on his face than him alive
- then the murdur tells him that fleance has escaped
- macbeth says that fleance is like a baby snake, he is not a threat right now
- lady macbeth notices that macbeth is talking to a bloody man
- the ghost on banquo sits in macbeths seat
- macbeth does not see him
- macbeth wishes for banquo to be there, then he sees the ghost of banquo, but no one else does
- ross is annoyed
- macbeth does not see an empty chair
- macbeth asks which one of them had done this
- lady macbeth thinks he has seen duncan, she tells all of them to eat, then questions macbeths manhood
- she calls him a coward again, she calls him a woman
- charnel houses- morg
- then he looks back at the chair and no one is there
- what are you quite unmaned in folly- are you crazy
- I do forget, do not muse at me- do not laugh I have a weird illness
- Then he asks for wine, and the ghost enters again, and he drinks to banquo
- Then he sees the ghost again
- He tells him that the ghost is not real
- Lady macbeth trys to intervein
- He rather face three (russuan bear, a tiger and a rino) animal than look at the ghost
- He says he feels like the baby of a young girl when he looks like at the cahir
- Then the ghost dissaperared
- Then he says when hes gone, he is a man again
- He asks everyone to please stay
- As peole walk out he messing up again, and asks the people if they see the gost
- He is still not used to killing
- “blood will have blood”
- almost at the odds with the moring- its almost sunrise
- macduff has not showed up ( he also did not go to the corrination)
- he found out before because he has spys a t macduffs castles
- macduff is now going to see the witches

And now I can just skip this scene the next time I read Macbeth.

Proof that I do reply to every mis-addressed email.

Wed, 20 Apr 2011 19:04:32 -0400

Liz Miller was one of two people addressed on this email:

[REDACTED #1],
Attached should be the invoice #318 (already paid) except materials under MONEY OWED,
2nd Attatchment should be the new invoice #319 for the library
Thanks,
[REDACTED #2]

The invoices was for the installation of a back patio and French doors, among other work, with a total amount of about seven hundred dollars due.

I replied-all saying they had sent this to the wrong Liz Miller. I then received this response:

Whatever I expect you to pay this invoice
Thank you,
[REDACTED #1]

To which, a bit miffed, I responded:

I’m not the Liz Miller you’re looking for. For one thing, I live in Los Angeles in an apartment with no back porch or French doors.

[REDACTED #1]’s response?

Just kidding just giving my contractor a hard time, sorry for the inconvenience! Have a great weekend.

Nice enough, I guess. The only snag in his attempt at comedy — the contractor (presumably [REDACTED #2]) wasn’t included on any of his subsequent emails. But, hey, comedy is tough.

NOT COOL NOT COOL NOT COOL NOT COOL.

Wed, 13 Apr 2011 13:56:00 -0400

On March 11, 2011, a 9.0 magnitude earthquake struck Japan, causing mass damage to the Tohoku region—including a devastating tsunami and damage to the Daiichi Power Plant in Fukushima. Our thoughts and prayers continue to go out to everyone in Japan, as well as friends and families overseas who have been impacted. In order to reach out and help, our agency is in the process of collecting donations for the earthquake relief. Unfortunately, We are unable to process the many donations that are coming in in a timely manor. In order to facilitate our work, we are searching for individuals to employ to help us process the donations.
YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES?
1. Collection of our payments(Checks) from donors
2. Depositing and cashing the check at your financial Institution
3. Your wages is ten percent of the payment processed
4. The remaining balance is for the Company
Show your interest below:
Full Name:
Street Address:
City:
State:
Zip:
USA
Cell:
E-mail address:
Age:
Present working Status:
CLICK REPLY IF YOU ARE INTERESTED

Okay, there’s nothing to indicate that there is another Liz Miller out there who was the intended recipient of this email — it could very well be spam. But let’s all agree that there is NO ONE who should receive this email — NO ONE should be asked if they want to be involved in a scam taking advantage of the worst nuclear disaster since Chernobyl.

So gross. So bad for humanity, and so very gross.

I'm kind of at a loss with this one.

Wed, 06 Apr 2011 14:24:39 -0400

Dear Class Member,
Thank you for signing up for the LifeStudy Class: “So You Think You Are Married.” I am truly looking forward to our time together over these next six weeks.
Here is the basic info regarding our class:
So you think you are married
Tuesday evenings from March 29 through May 4, 2011
7:00 PM - 8:30 PM
Auditorium
[REDACTED]
The focus of the class is to get you and your spouse the path towards a vibrant, God-honoring marriage. We will be using your Bible, your Arno Profile, and the book entitled So You Think You Are Married … Ten Tips On How To Live Like It. Due to a mix up with the publisher the books may not be in by the first class. With the tremendous response to the class being what it is I am not surprised that there are some acts to prevent God’s blessings from happening, but we press on.
The classes will be a combination of lecture, multi-media, and break-out sessions. The main focus is to challenge each of us to allow ourselves new ways to think and behave in our marriages. We will grow together in creating marriages that are beyond mediocre.
To that end, here’s what we can all do to help make this experience as fruitful and productive as possible.
1) Please arrive on time. The class begins at 7 PM sharp. By 7 PM please be in your seat and ready to start. I realize that we all have busy schedules and there may be times when you will show up late - that’s fine. Just slip in and grab a seat. At the same time, for those of who arrive on time, let’s start on time. My commitment back to you is to end on time at 8:30 PM. We will take a brief break during each class.
2) Bring a Bible and a pen along with your Arno Profile. We will supply you with a binder that has outline information and a place to make notes.
3) Be committed to the possibility of change. What makes this class work best is when we all anticipate some life changing opportunities.
4) Help me help you. This class is for you! If something isn’t working, isn’t clear or is missing, let me know!
5) Pray. Let’s all arrive knowing our time has been drenched in prayer. That we have called upon the Holy Spirit to make this time His time with us. So please, as a couple pray for me, pray for our classmates and pray for your own growth. We can’t have too much prayer.
Until then, should you need any more information, please contact [REDACTED]
See you on the 29th!
Be blessed and know it,
[REDACTED]

I really don’t know what to say about this one, especially when it comes to the concept. “So You Think You Are Married…Ten Tips On How To Live Like It”? I don’t know what ten tips these might be. From what I understand about marriage, it’s a pretty simple process:

Step one: Get married.
Step two: Live together
Step three: Don’t be a dick.

I’m not married or God-fearing, though. So I’ll just chalk this up as something beyond my ken.

I got confused by this one because I received it during SXSW...

Wed, 30 Mar 2011 14:00:00 -0400

…while at one of the evening soirees. So not only did the very first line quasi-apply to me at that time, but I might have been a little intoxicated, and thus there was a serious moment of “oh, crap.”

Hi Liz! I hope traveling is going well. Here is a list of the questions that will be asked on Wednesday night:
1. your name, names and ages of kids
2. what country and/or group are you from?
3. what is the main holiday that you celebrate that is different from the mainstream american holidays? and how do you celebrate it?
4. what do moms from your culture like to do with their children? crafts, games or activities?
5. what is one difference between your culture and the american culture?
6. what is one similarity?
The snack you bring will only need to be a small one-bite “taste” of your culture for the other moms to pass around during the meeting. There are usually 20-30 moms there.
I am so excited that you will be there!
[Redacted]

My exact thought process was as follows: “What small one-bite ‘taste’ would represent my culture? (Grilled cheese on white bread?) Where am I going to get 20-30 small bites to represent a taste of my ‘culture’?

“And oh, um, I’m going to need multiple kids.”

The fun thing about receiving another Liz Miller's email is that the specific Liz Millers start gaining definition.

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 16:41:00 -0400

Hey Liz!
Hope you are winding down from Thanksgiving! I’m literally dreaming about your family’s pumpkin cheesecake. I seriously need to know who made that and get the recipe to make over break!
Just a quick question for you… would you mind if I came to shadow you for a couple hours next week? I’m discerning exactly where Christ is calling me and my advisers thought it would be good to observe some classes. I know you teach AND do campus ministry, which is really where my heart is. Would your principal mind? I will be back in STL next Wednesday, so I was hoping for maybe Friday, the 10th? Thoughts..
Thanks in advance! Pax to little [REDACTED].
—
In Christ,
[REDACTED]
“A woman’s heart should be so lost in Christ that a man must seek God before he finds her.”

This Liz Miller, as our first example, appears to be the Ohio Christian Liz Miller. I used to get a lot of emails for her until the mistake was figured out; helping them rectify that, I hope, earned me a few points with the fellas upstairs.

DEAR WHICHEVER LIZ MILLER IS SELLING HER 2007 POLARIS RANGER ON CRAIGSLIST

Tue, 05 Oct 2010 13:22:00 -0400

Please fucking fix the email address on your ad so that people will stop emailing me about it. Thanks.

Love,
Liz

PS: Fun fact — $2000 appears to be a pretty good deal for a well-maintained Polaris Ranger ATV. If I knew what a Polaris Ranger ATV was, I might be impressed by that.

It's hard out there for a pimp. Also, since when do office managers get paid less than receptionists?

Mon, 02 Aug 2010 12:40:00 -0400

Hi Liz,

Thanks for sending along your resume for the Receptionist/Administrative Assistant opening that we are working on. I am in the office and would love to connect if you are still conducting a job search.

I work for a family-run recruiting agency and we specialize in Administrative support roles.

We have two clients that have needs….

VC Firm, Boston- Receptionist 30-45k

Bio-tech Firm, Boston, Office Manager 30-40k

I would love to connect if you are looking.

Best,
[REDACTED]

Side note: I’m going to try and start a regular posting schedule for Wrong Liz Millers — every Monday, a new update. Because people STILL aren’t double-checking their To: fields.